Sitting down to blog is something that I do enjoy but simply do not find enough time to be diligent at it. Some days I just can't wait to spill out all of my thoughts, idea, trials, and daily experiences and other days I just want to write to feel my fingers on the keyboard.
In the midst of doing this work to prepare the land to move my grandparents and move our family I am finding a strange feeling inside myself that is new to me. Actually it is not just new but, quite strange. I am finding myself at a loss for words and sometimes even emotions. For me to be at a loss for words is not something that happens frequently so to be that way on a regular basis is not something I am accustomed to. What do you say when you have nothing to say? What should you feel when you have no emotion inside of you? I think I am living out my weakness. That is quite funny when I hear myself say that because just tonight Grace (7) asked me what my gift is? The fact that my birthday was this week made me answer, "What gift honey?" She immediately reminded me that I have told her time and time again that God blesses each one of us with a gift. In being honest I told her that right now the only gift I could think of that I have is being so weak that I have no other choice but to let God do all of my work for me.
Thus, it leaves me pondering: What is my gift? Is it wrong to admit that you have one? What does it mean if you can't think of anything that you are gifted at? (I'm not saying that I have one or not, but it is a thought).
August 31, 2007
August 20, 2007
Well Are You? I'm NOT!!
I have been thinking recently about where I am today. Not literally like my address, but more of who I am. I am a wife of 10 years, a mommy to three children, a stay at home mom, a homeschooler, a sold out Jesus lover, and all in all pretty content.
Sounds absolutely wonderful, but….It is not at all where I thought I would be if someone had asked me ten years ago.
I figured that I would still be married in ten years, but I really wasn’t sure that I would be happy. That sound pessimistic, I know, but really I didn’t know many people who had made it to ten years and the ones I did surely were not even close to happy. How did I expect to be different?
I don’t think I ever really thought about having children. I was not one of those women who swore never to have them, I just never thought about it. I have dear friends that cared for baby dolls throughout their childhoods just waiting to become a mommy, but not me. I wanted to be a lawyer. Even when I got married children just didn’t cross my mind; unless of course you count those times I thought I might be pregnant. Then when I began to feel the urge two seemed like plenty. I mean why in the world would someone have more children than they have hands? Then came the working thing. I could not imagine why any woman would finish college and want to stay home with her children when there were “perfectly good child care centers” out there. I just couldn’t imagine not interacting with real people all day long. I would be so….bored!
When I was a child I had an Aunt that homeschooled my two cousins. (Yes, for those of you adding my dear “Aunt C” was our pioneer. She had truancy officers come visit and didn’t have 5000 different kids of curriculum to choose from.) Anyway, I remember thinking that they were just weird. Those poor deprived children. So sad that they couldn’t possibly have friends. Even when Grace was little I never thought I could do the homeschooling thing. Well, in fact I still think that many days.
I guess the only thing that I listed that ten years ago seemed even slightly attainable was that I would fall in love with Jesus. It seemed awfully hard in those days. I was still in that pattern of no commitment and doubt to the point that I couldn’t dig myself out. It was an elusive dream that one day I would be a woman that couldn’t go five minutes without talking to my Lord. I still struggled to remind myself to pray in those days. Now I really understand what it means to pray without ceasing.
Enough about me. Where are You? Are you where you thought that you would be?
Sounds absolutely wonderful, but….It is not at all where I thought I would be if someone had asked me ten years ago.
I figured that I would still be married in ten years, but I really wasn’t sure that I would be happy. That sound pessimistic, I know, but really I didn’t know many people who had made it to ten years and the ones I did surely were not even close to happy. How did I expect to be different?
I don’t think I ever really thought about having children. I was not one of those women who swore never to have them, I just never thought about it. I have dear friends that cared for baby dolls throughout their childhoods just waiting to become a mommy, but not me. I wanted to be a lawyer. Even when I got married children just didn’t cross my mind; unless of course you count those times I thought I might be pregnant. Then when I began to feel the urge two seemed like plenty. I mean why in the world would someone have more children than they have hands? Then came the working thing. I could not imagine why any woman would finish college and want to stay home with her children when there were “perfectly good child care centers” out there. I just couldn’t imagine not interacting with real people all day long. I would be so….bored!
When I was a child I had an Aunt that homeschooled my two cousins. (Yes, for those of you adding my dear “Aunt C” was our pioneer. She had truancy officers come visit and didn’t have 5000 different kids of curriculum to choose from.) Anyway, I remember thinking that they were just weird. Those poor deprived children. So sad that they couldn’t possibly have friends. Even when Grace was little I never thought I could do the homeschooling thing. Well, in fact I still think that many days.
I guess the only thing that I listed that ten years ago seemed even slightly attainable was that I would fall in love with Jesus. It seemed awfully hard in those days. I was still in that pattern of no commitment and doubt to the point that I couldn’t dig myself out. It was an elusive dream that one day I would be a woman that couldn’t go five minutes without talking to my Lord. I still struggled to remind myself to pray in those days. Now I really understand what it means to pray without ceasing.
Enough about me. Where are You? Are you where you thought that you would be?
August 13, 2007
Giving up Control
When I started homeschooling I had this ideal situation all planned out in my mind that Grace would be preforming at least a year or two ahead, learn another language, type, know all the states and capitals, all the countries in the world, and of course do Calculus at 8 years old.
And then....reality sat in. The truth was that she would not listen when I read, take 2-hours to do one page of math, constantly need to use the bathroom, and would, oh my goodness, surely not, be a REAL CHILD!
Well this year my expectations were less, but nevertheless they were way too high considering that we are trying to prepare land to move my grandparent (who have saved everything they have ever owned in their 78 years), do a major remodel to a house, and move. So, as of this past weekend I decided that it was okay if we did not study the human body and Western Civilzation in 2nd grade. We are going to go back to the three R's and then learn about some real life. I have been assured that she will benefit greatly from learning how to hammer, paint, cut up trees, pour concrete, hang drywall, and other such things.
I think the hardest thing for me is to let go of what "traditional" school should look like. I want her to know everything there is to know about everything. Such silliness! This too is God stretching me and teaching me to realize that many times things don't work the way we think they should, but He is always in control! To God be all the glory and Praise!
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phillippians 4:6-7
And then....reality sat in. The truth was that she would not listen when I read, take 2-hours to do one page of math, constantly need to use the bathroom, and would, oh my goodness, surely not, be a REAL CHILD!
Well this year my expectations were less, but nevertheless they were way too high considering that we are trying to prepare land to move my grandparent (who have saved everything they have ever owned in their 78 years), do a major remodel to a house, and move. So, as of this past weekend I decided that it was okay if we did not study the human body and Western Civilzation in 2nd grade. We are going to go back to the three R's and then learn about some real life. I have been assured that she will benefit greatly from learning how to hammer, paint, cut up trees, pour concrete, hang drywall, and other such things.
I think the hardest thing for me is to let go of what "traditional" school should look like. I want her to know everything there is to know about everything. Such silliness! This too is God stretching me and teaching me to realize that many times things don't work the way we think they should, but He is always in control! To God be all the glory and Praise!
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phillippians 4:6-7
August 9, 2007
I can see the light....
Glory be to God! I have waited and waited to post this and I hope I have picked the right time. As many of you know we (all five of us) live in a blessed little 600 sq. foot house that my grandfather grew up in. When he lived here it was his parents and 5 of the 6 children still at home. I still don't know how they did it, but I am sure it had to do with Mamaw's sweet and content spirit.
Well, we have lived here for 9 years. When we first moved in we thought it was small, then came baby #1 and it was doable, but tight. Then baby #2 came and we just were not sure how it was going to work. Then baby #3 came and oh I cried, because I could just see Chris and I moving into the living room on a pull out couch. Well, as we had said many times before, "We live in a rubber house and it just stretches." Now, however the stretching has ceased.
We are in the process of moving my grandparents into a mobile home across the street from their current house, remodeling the house that live in now, and then....then....then....
Well, we have lived here for 9 years. When we first moved in we thought it was small, then came baby #1 and it was doable, but tight. Then baby #2 came and we just were not sure how it was going to work. Then baby #3 came and oh I cried, because I could just see Chris and I moving into the living room on a pull out couch. Well, as we had said many times before, "We live in a rubber house and it just stretches." Now, however the stretching has ceased.
We are in the process of moving my grandparents into a mobile home across the street from their current house, remodeling the house that live in now, and then....then....then....
WE ARE GOING TO MOVE!!!
It is still not real. We are picking out cabinets, flooring, bathtubs, light fixtures, and a multitude of other things. We dropped off our refinance papers today on OUR house to do all the updates. ALL PRAISE BE TO MY JESUS, BECAUSE HE REMINDED ME THAT HE DID NOT FORGET US!
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