I have been thinking recently about where I am today. Not literally like my address, but more of who I am. I am a wife of 10 years, a mommy to three children, a stay at home mom, a homeschooler, a sold out Jesus lover, and all in all pretty content.
Sounds absolutely wonderful, but….It is not at all where I thought I would be if someone had asked me ten years ago.
I figured that I would still be married in ten years, but I really wasn’t sure that I would be happy. That sound pessimistic, I know, but really I didn’t know many people who had made it to ten years and the ones I did surely were not even close to happy. How did I expect to be different?
I don’t think I ever really thought about having children. I was not one of those women who swore never to have them, I just never thought about it. I have dear friends that cared for baby dolls throughout their childhoods just waiting to become a mommy, but not me. I wanted to be a lawyer. Even when I got married children just didn’t cross my mind; unless of course you count those times I thought I might be pregnant. Then when I began to feel the urge two seemed like plenty. I mean why in the world would someone have more children than they have hands? Then came the working thing. I could not imagine why any woman would finish college and want to stay home with her children when there were “perfectly good child care centers” out there. I just couldn’t imagine not interacting with real people all day long. I would be so….bored!
When I was a child I had an Aunt that homeschooled my two cousins. (Yes, for those of you adding my dear “Aunt C” was our pioneer. She had truancy officers come visit and didn’t have 5000 different kids of curriculum to choose from.) Anyway, I remember thinking that they were just weird. Those poor deprived children. So sad that they couldn’t possibly have friends. Even when Grace was little I never thought I could do the homeschooling thing. Well, in fact I still think that many days.
I guess the only thing that I listed that ten years ago seemed even slightly attainable was that I would fall in love with Jesus. It seemed awfully hard in those days. I was still in that pattern of no commitment and doubt to the point that I couldn’t dig myself out. It was an elusive dream that one day I would be a woman that couldn’t go five minutes without talking to my Lord. I still struggled to remind myself to pray in those days. Now I really understand what it means to pray without ceasing.
Enough about me. Where are You? Are you where you thought that you would be?
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3 comments:
Well let's just say part of what I thought 10 years ago is true. I was one of those that grew up wanting to be a mommy. I said two children-I had two hands=two children. Thank God, He knew better. My cup was full with two, but now my cup runneth over (Psalms 23). I know now that is what God desires for us-our cups to run over in every aspect of our lives that please him. Anyway, I was pretty sure I would homeschool my children. Here where it gets so different from "my plans". If someone had said that I would be a goat farmer, milk goats, make soap, & cheese, can vegtables out of the garden, I would have laughed. But I am and Love it. I can honestly, from the bottom of my heart. Say I am truely happy, not because of where I am in life. But because of who God is. He is our Covenant God. Always faithful, always loving, always having his best in mind.
The funny thing is - I married into this family....... :)
Good question, I haven't thought about this in awhile. No way, 10 years ago, I wouldn't have seen myself as a mother of 5, past and possibly future homeschooler (we take it year by year). I was expecting my 2nd child then and wondering, "How will I ever do this??" What a great reminder that this life is such a journey and changing all the time. It's exciting to think about. I'm a much stronger Christian than I was then and much more thankful for my Savior. I also understand how the children go through stages and the hard parts will pass...that's a huge relief and helps make the daily task of training them not as stressful, wondering if I'm doing everything just right! So many people tell me they can hardly handle 1 or 2 children, never mind 5! Well, when I only had 2, I felt the same way! I wonder, what does the next 10 years hold! (Now, that's a great idea for a blog post sometime!!)
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