A Story of Grace

I was sitting in church on Sunday listening to a wonderful message on living like we have God's grace instead of living in fear and although it was a wonderful message it was not speaking to my heart. I learned from it in my head, but you all know what I'm talking about...When the message goes beyond cognitive understanding and moves into your spirit. It is like a fire of excitement is lit deep within you. A fire that causes you to tremble inside and "feel" the Holy Spirit. For me on Sunday it was not the message that lit that fire, but the testimony of a woman at the end. She told of a life of searching for love. She told of looking for that love and acceptance in men and the many troubles that led her into. She told of the pain of abortion. But, then....She told of God's mercy....God's forgiveness...God's love...and The incredible Grace that has been given to us in Christ Jesus.

I leaned over to Chris and said that aside from that grace I too would be telling that story. As I sat there I thought about the day when I tell Grace the story of her name. She knows that even before I was pregnant God told me that I would have a little girl and I was to name her Elizabeth Grace, but that is just the tip of the iceberg. The whole story goes something like this:

I too, as a young girl needed love and attention. Everyone does, but as life would have it I did not get that at home, so I began looking for it. I didn't realize that was what I was doing, but nevertheless I did. As I developed physically I realized that my physical appearance (dressed in an inappropriate way) gained me attention. In fact it gained a lot of attention. I wore everything that I could to show every part of my body that I could. I loved the attention. At 14 I received the attention that would change my life. I had my first "experience". I remember during the 8 months of that "experience" thinking that I was with child. You can imagine my dismay. I remember ramming my stomach into the corner of my dresser so many times that I looked like I had been beaten. I wish that I could say that I learned my lesson, but I was finding "love." My method of finding love went on for years, even after I became a christian. It was my sin. You know the sin that keeps you bound up in chains that just won't let go. I knew it was wrong, but it was like a drug, I tried to stop but I would always return to it.

The stopping point was the year before I got married. Then I was delivered...because I was suppose to have those "experiences"! As we moved into married life and the thought of having children came to mind I began to wonder why and how I had never gotten pregnant in the past years. Then I began to think that it was possible that as a logical consequence of my sin I may never be able to have children. That seemed very probable to me, not because God is vengeful, but because he is just. I really believed that the day of carrying a child would never happen for me.

In (I think) June or July of 1999 I was driving down the road listening to a song by Point of Grace that had part of the old hymn in it, "Grace, Grace, God's Grace. Grace that will pardon and cleanse within. Grace, Grace, God's great Grace. Grace that is greater than all my sin." I know at that moment I heard the voice of the Lord. He spoke to me so sweetly, "Terra, my grace is greater than any of your sins. To show you, you are going to have a baby girl and I want you to name her Elizabeth Grace." Now, one would think I would be in awe of this, but instead I said out loud, "But, God I don't even like the name Elizabeth." After than moment of insanity I realized what had just happened. I finally understood that I was not that girl searching for love. I had found it in Jesus and he had even expressed his love even further through Chris. And in His sweet loving kindness He had in fact forgiven me and had covered my sin with His grace.

I didn't tell Chris at first, but when I did I began to look for the meaning of Elizabeth. It means "belonging to the Lord," so when you put Elizabeth Grace together it literally means that she "belongs the the Lord's Grace!" On Sept. 9 I found out I was pregnant (by the way we were not trying, so it was in fact God!). I was not at all surprised when the Dr. told me it was a girl. Now, every time I hear that old hymn or take time to think about Grace's name, I am reminded of the grace that was given to me. It was given to me freely. It was given to me undeserving. It was given to me completely!

Thank you Jesus for your Grace!